tomorrow is my birthdya
I am not sure what I have done as a mother
but it must be really wrong
I have to go to work
because I didn't get my bids in I am leaving this afternoon
and I get that zane hasn't doens care
I know he does nto love or care
but I had at least hoped my daughter would ahv ecoem to an age where sher can see that and

the dishonest behaviour
the inability to say I do not want this
the niggling the blaming
I have no respect for the not say what he means
he has no love for me
is it plain to see
he has some obligation to the children
but is that unconditonal love
I will not let anyone
make me feel of little worth
I am strong
I am very comfortable in who I am
I can manage by myself
I have been doing that for years
I care for the children
I pay the bills
I do the checks and balances
I am strong
I will move forward with
complete feeling that I did what I could
i did not let this end without putting in a good effort
you can not make some one love you
you can not change how someone thinks
you can not make some one feel

I will live through this time and when it is right I will move on
I need to be me
not to be the heart and lungs of a rusty ship
it will fall apart but I will rebuild my part of this life
with my children and make them strong
and give them strength to go forward in this life
with confidence and power
to do what is good to find what is right
to always feel wanted and loved
to never make do
to use the choice they have
to be free
from criticisms from passive aggresive behaviour that shadows you daily trying to make everything ok
from being told you are not OK
and you are the problem
my children will make better choices choices because they have seem me be strong.